Penn Valley Meeting of Friends’ Principles for Weddings and Funerals

Sunday, November 27, 2009

A fundamental guideline for our approach to this issue is that our principles (and the way we put them into practice) should show love both to those who attend Penn Valley, and to those who are married or memorialized here.

Is it workable to combine unprogrammed worship with a programmed meeting for worship with a focus on marriage or memorializing?

There is an important distinction between unprogrammed and programmed worship: in the former, participants are open to any leadings from the Spirit. In the latter, participants remain open to the Spirit, but are focused by the purpose of the occasion. There is also a difference  between meetings attended primarily by Quakers and the Quaker-affiliated, and those gatherings which are likely to have many external visitors who are not familiar with Quaker practices.

These distinctions provide support for a general principle in which meetings for worship with attention to a life transition are a) held at a different time from unprogrammed Meetings for Worship; and b) planned for a time that it is not contiguous with unprogrammed Meetings for Worship.

Such a principle shows respect for the nature of unprogrammed worship. It also enables the Meeting to give loving support and respectful, focused attention to the marriage or memorial. Each is important and needs its own time. If a wedding is held at a time separate from unprogrammed worship, it will be easier for the couple to celebrate their marriage according to their own wishes for dress, food, guests, and so on.

However, this principle is not a hard and fast rule. First, we are loath to hold ourselves to a rule that allows for no exceptions, as there may on occasion be good reasons not to follow a rule. Second, there may be events that spontaneously violate a rule. For instance, if someone has died shortly before an unprogrammed Meeting for Worship, it is likely that many of us will feel moved by the Spirit to speak in ways that might otherwise be appropriate during a planned memorial gathering.